When scolded by Aunt Fritzy Ritz
Nancy seems to lose her wits.
Nancy is very often cross
but Fritzy’s the undisputed boss.
She sits in the house reading the papers
Supervising Nancy’s capers.

Aunt Fritzy’s a peculiar sort:
She had no visible means of support.
She never seems to earn a bean
and there’s no “uncle”on the scene.
The question seems to rise a lot:
Is Fritzy Nancy’s aunt, or not?
If Fritzy is related to
that awful Mrs. Meany who
Annie Rooney had to flee,
then who can nancy really be?
Rumors are flying thick and fast;
stories from mouth to ear are passed:
“Who is Fritzy Ritz indeed
but someone overcome by greed.
Welfare pays a monthly sum
to keep that orphan in her home.
Although she looks like Etta Kett
she’s older, more depraved, in debt.”

One scandalous version I have heard
(of which I don’t believe a word)
says Nancy’s father, coming back
a little early from the track,
found his wife and Fritzy in
a most revolting act of sin.
With a knife he tried to nip
this lesbian relationship:
Saw red, and stabbed; the blow went wild
and made an orphan of his child.
His wife was dead, he got the chair,
the court named Fritzy Ritz as heir.
The child, the house, the bank account,
were left to Fritzy Ritz, the “aunt.”

No one will make Aunt Fritzy crawl
now that she’s ion charge of all:
the house, the grounds, the little brat.
She’ll teach her to remember that!

poor Nancy’s nature has been bent
by this negative environment
She never will grow up at all
but stay forever three feet tall.

This Issue

August 18, 1966